The Project Operator

Build Relationships — Before You Need Them

Read time: 3 minutes

A few years ago, I was handed a project that came with two “bonuses”:

• An unrealistic deadline
• A stakeholder no one could reach

Not “difficult.” Not “demanding.” Just… absent.

She was from Finance. We needed her input to finalize the budget. But no matter how many times we reached out — emails, calls, meetings — she wouldn’t respond.

I remember complaining to a senior PM on the team. He just smiled and said:

That line hit hard. Because he was right.

I hadn’t built a relationship with her early. I didn’t understand what she cared about. I hadn’t earned her attention.

And in project management, attention is currency.

The Hidden Skill Nobody Talks About

When engineers move into project leadership roles, most focus on planning, scheduling, budgeting.

All important. True.

But the real leverage — the thing that moves the needle when the plan goes off the rails — is relationship capital.

That includes:

• People who’ll take your call even when they’re slammed.
• People who'll drop everything to help you when you're in trouble.
• People who’ll back you in a meeting when things get political.
• People who’ll flag issues before they become problems.

The problem is, most engineers are never encouraged to build these kinds of relationships. It feels like soft skills. Optional. Political, even. And when you're in an engineering role, that's often true. Relationships are not your primary purpose or responsibility, and not building them has lower consequences.

For a Project Manager, it’s not optional.

It’s called stakeholder management. And it’s the foundation of real project leadership.

Stakeholders Are People, Not Roles

Early in your project management career, you’re told to “manage your stakeholders.” But at that point in your career, you likely don't (or didn't) appreciate what that means, or the importance of it.

Build relationships with your stakeholders.

• Know their constraints (budgets, approvals, timelines)
• Understand their incentives (career goals, KPIs, pressures)
• Speak their language (Finance ≠ Operations ≠ Engineering)
• Be empathetic and realize that your priorities often will not be theirs.

This doesn’t mean becoming best friends. It means understanding the human on the other side of the request — and making their job easier when you can.

Because here’s the reality:

If the only time you talk to someone is when you need something, you’re not managing a relationship.

You’re making a withdrawal from an account.

And if you withdraw more than you deposited into it?

You go broke.

Andy Barbirato ​Find me on LinkedIn or Book a 1:1 Call​