I have one giant pet peeve. It's when I hear people talking about the best project management software. Or the newest dashboard. Or using AI in project management.
Blows my top.
It assumes that all problems you are facing on your project(s), can be fixed with a different piece of software, a more beautiful Gantt chart, more automation, a better dashboard, better data analysis.
And it's one of the biggest misconceptions out there.
It is a mistake I see a lot of engineers especially make when stepping into project management.
They assume the way to solve a problem is with a tool.
That if things aren’t progressing, maybe they need a new collaboration app and start looking to replace MS Teams with Slack (or whatever tools). That if coordination is breaking down, maybe the dashboard needs more automation to improve data visualization. That if people don't agree, or don't work with each other, maybe it’s time for another workflow template.
But in my experience—on dozens of engineering and infrastructure projects, some well over $100 million—it’s NEVER. EVER. EVER. the tools that make or break your project.
It’s the people.
And until our machine overlords and General AI completely take over and replace humans in all things, which I hope I won't see in my lifetime, this won't change.
What Engineers usually don't get taught (But Project Leadership Demands)
Engineering rewards precision. Certainty. Tight logic and the right answer.
But once you shift into project leadership, none of those things are guaranteed.
You can build the perfect schedule—and progress falls behind.
You can set up the best progress report template—and still get silence when you need decisions.
This transition is hard for a lot of engineers. Because the rules change.
Instead of asking, “What’s the technical solution?”
You now have to ask, “What’s stopping people from moving forward?”
And 9 times out of 10, the bottleneck isn’t a missing tool. It’s a missing conversation. That conversation, is your job.
The Real Tools Are Invisible
Think about the last time a project stalled. Was it because your Gantt chart needed better color-coding? Or was it because:
- You couldn’t get agreement between two departments?
- A senior manager had concerns but wasn’t saying them directly, and you found out months later and had to go back and do a bunch of rework to address them?
- People didn’t trust each other enough to speak up early and issues that were known and could have been addressed, never were, and now you're paying for it (probably figuratively and literally)?
I’ve been in all those situations. And I’ve learned that if you want to lead projects well, you have to stop thinking like a tool operator—and start thinking like a facilitator.
People are not logical, as much as many of us think we are. People have bad days. People have great days. People have mood swings. People have biases, preconceptions, misconceptions, and trust issues. People have their own agendas.
People are messy.
And when 90% of your job is dealing with them, as every project leaders' job is - you need to build different muscles:
- The ability to listen when someone’s frustrated but not saying it outright.
- The skill to ask the right questions at the right time to get to the root of their frustration.
- The patience to explain things three different ways to three different people.
- The empathy to understand what each stakeholder really cares about.
A Framework That’s Actually Useful: Stakeholder Attention Triage
If you’re a fan of frameworks, let me offer one that’s saved me countless headaches and helps me prioritize which relationships I have to focus most of my efforts and time on:
It helps you sort your stakeholders into four buckets:
- The ones you need to talk to often (high influence, high interest).
- The ones who could derail you if ignored (high influence, low interest).
- The ones who need updates but won’t drive decisions (low influence, high interest).
- The ones who are just noise.
This isn’t a scheduling tool. But it’s a people tool. It forces you to ask:
Who matters most right now?
What do they need from me?
And how can I meet that need in the simplest way possible?
So, what should you ACTUALLY do?
If you’re an engineer stepping into more project responsibility, here’s my advice:
- Don’t confuse control with leadership.
More tools won’t help if people don’t trust each other. Control is an illusion without relationship.
- Talk before you type.
If something’s off, don’t send another comment thread. Pick up the phone. Walk down the hall. Human friction requires human interaction.
- Stop perfecting the plan. Start building relationships.
A 12-month schedule means nothing if nobody follows it. Ask what’s realistic. Ask what’s at risk. Ask what people need to commit to your plan.
- Practice the “open ended, second question.”
Don’t just ask yes or no questions, like, “Do you agree?”. Ask instead, “What would make this a no-go for you?” or “What’s missing before you can get behind this?”
You’ll be surprised how often people are just waiting to be asked.
Your weekly actionable Tip:
Think about a recent issue on your project.
Ask yourself:
- Was this a process failure or a people failure?
- Was it a lack of data—or a lack of clarity, trust, or communication?
Now identify one person you need to reconnect with—not to solve a task, but to build the relationship.
Send the message. Book the coffee. Pick up the phone.
No software can do this for you.
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